Friendships Built on Play
I recently attended a friend’s sangeet. We spent seven hours dancing, jumping, drinking, and singing Bollywood music. I danced with fifty people, hardly spoke a word to any of them, and liked all of them.
As children, we spend most of our time with others playing together but little time talking. As adults, we spend most of our time with others in conversation but hardly any time playing. As a result, our friends as adults are only those we have conversational chemistry with. But our friends as children are anyone we can play with, which is every child our age.
One of my closest friends is someone I played basketball with for seven years in school. We were on opposite teams when we played at school but on the same team when we played state and national tournaments. Our friendship was centered around playing basketball, making fun of each other, yelling insults at the other team, playing pranks, and chest pumping when we won.
After school, I went to college in the US. On one of my trips back to India, I met him over dinner and realized we didn’t have much to say to each other. This is because we hadn’t actually spoken to each other all those years, we just played with each other. At first, I was lost but over time I realized how much I valued this friendship. He’s one of the most reliable and fun people I know, and I got to know that before having “meaningful” conversations with him. Today, we can endlessly talk to each other and it’s fun to recall how it all started.
As adults, we are less open to these kinds of friendships. But sangeets, basketball, and group runs can bring them back.
In response to my post, Deeksha Sinha said that conversations allow people to present a version of themselves they want to be but play and dance reveal who they are. It’s why children and dogs have an instinctive liking or disliking of certain people without them saying anything.